Important skills for young adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities as they move in with roomates
Finish school, move in with a roommate, and become best friends. Sounds like the dream, doesn’t it? Though it may turn out to be the case for some, what certainly is the case for all is this: your roommate is not your family.
Let me repeat that, YOUR ROOMMATE IS NOT YOUR FAMILY. And this means different unwritten rules apply in roommate relationships than what is okay and acceptable when living with siblings and parents.
Especially for people with intellectual disabilities, you’ll want to start preparing them to live with a roommate well before actually moving in with a roommate – perhaps even years early. When your child is growing in responsibilities that come with being a high school student, you can start practicing for living with roommates, too.
Roommate Conflict
It’s almost inevitable, at some point roommates will get into conflict. Care to take a guess what’s behind a large percentage of roommate conflicts? College housing and dorm life offices across the nation tend to include a simple rule: your roommate’s stuff is your roommate’s stuff.
This is a HUGE change of expectation when leaving a family living situation where spaces and possessions are largely shared – bedrooms, food, furniture, movies, toilet paper, etc. But not so with a roommate. Your roommate’s stuff is your roommate’s stuff. As in NOT YOURS.
- Your roommate’s bedroom is your roommate’s. Not yours.
- Can you go in there when they are not home? No way.
- Your roommate’s DVD is your roommate’s. Not yours.
- Can you borrow it whenever you want? Nope.
- Your roommate’s leftovers are your roommate’s. Not yours.
- Can you eat them because you’re hungry? Definitely not.
The list goes on and on. Though shared spaces like the living room typically have more relaxed unwritten rules when it comes to sharing, food and personal spaces are absolute no-gos. Use the following tips to start practicing for roommates before the time comes.
Three Essential Roommate Skills to Start Practicing
1. Showing respect for personal spaces
Be sure your child is not going into siblings’ bedrooms, purses, backpacks, closets, etc. Teach: If it doesn’t belong to you, don’t touch it.
2. Sharing a refrigerator and pantry, NOT sharing food
A lot of roommates decide to purchase and label their own food, often having separate shelves in the fridge or pantry for each roommate. Prepare your child by labeling different items in the fridge.
Challenge: buy items you know your child loves and label it with your name. You’ll want to build and teach their self-restraint because food stealing is common among people with IDD so you need to be sure they aren’t sneaking food as that behavior may completely damage a roommate relationship.
3. Asking for permission
How often should your child ask for permission to use or touch something that isn’t theirs? Every time. Work on building this skill now. It will come in handy for positive roommate relationships down the road.
